rafeedah

2012-01-19T00:28:00.001+08:00

FLY~

2012-01-10T03:36:00.003+08:00

Its when you don't know where you stand in a person's life. Its when you're hanging in a dead air knowing you can be thrown off anytime. its when you're like more than friends bu not really and its like you're lovers when its really otherwise. Sometimes you would want to wish you have never met the person at all but at the back of your mind, you are glad that you did. where do i go from here?

2011-12-30T17:30:00.002+08:00

Stop Ruining Your Own happiness boy..

How was your year like? I've had great losses this year. people come and go, those who stay.. well, they stayed for a price.

The real question was, how will your year end like? Mine, pretty much the same bullshit that happened last year.

i mean it, same story different cast.

i don't understand why people just have to cheat on their fucking partner . I don't fucking understand why. if your'e so unhappy then leave. Doesn't mean they aren't capable of putting up with certain things, doesn't mean they pushed you to a limit it gives you a freaking privellage to just be freaking unfaithful to them. Would you want to find out that they've been cheating on you all this while? no you don't. Then why do that if you don't want this kind of shit to happen in the first place.

Today i found out the causes of the gap between us. Today i knew what it really was. Wasn't me, wasn't me at all. i was making myself going bonkers and paranoid. cunning of him. very cunning of him. Ive learnt in life now thanks to him, that not all and not everyone will appreciate you, or in my case, never will. people say they love you when the truth is they don't. words like these are cliche. people misuse them. just because use being there for someone for sometimes, caring or what have you means you fucking love them. You don't. Don't lie to yourself. Don't do that. Cause if you truly love someone you wouldn't want them to feel their not worth it. you wouldn't. No matter how fucked up they are as person, you wouldn't go finding a substitute for her, you wouldn't do that. Thats not right, that's not right at all.

what? wasn't i good enough? bored of me aren't you?i know. like I've said before, you've fallen out of love me. thanks to you i found a way and a reason to fall out of love with you too. You made me hate you. As much as i loved you, you made me have this much hatred on you. I'm not your bitch, i don't like to share, its filthy. You want me here, assure me i'll be here of coz, but trust me, i really can't stand being around a bastard now…. cause i deserve someone who knows how to make up after hurting me, not someone who is very good withe just the word "sorry "

Cheating, one of the worst things you could ever do to someone. If you're not happy with who you're with then fucking leave them. There isn't a use staying around if you don't even feel the same way anymore. Don't think about how much you're gonna hurt me? Of coz you will hurt me?. But cheating on me would be worst then just breaking up with me. by breaking up you're giving me time, time to get over you. by staying around just because u don't want to cause me pain will just give me false hope. Causing me even more pain. As each day goes by your only making me suffer more and more as i fall for u even harder as days pass. If your not happy then leave, simple as that. there is no excuse for cheating on someone. If you did it then u did it. the end. So do the one that couldn't handle you loosing a favour, leave. While i am still capable of going on without you. Don't leave it too late. you don't know what could've happen to them if you've been there for them for too long. they start to lean on you, you become a part of them. they make you their everything, and once you leave, they'll be left with nothing. so leave while i still have something.

2011-12-15T21:01:00.000+08:00

What's to love if love has left me since months ago. What's to care, when the personn you care the most doesn't even care about you in the first place. what's to cry for, if crying over matters aren't actually worth it. what's to feel, if you can't feel anything at all cause your already just so numb to every single surroundings around you.

soft tapping sounds produce by these black squared keys, this thing between my ears … spaced out. Thinking what's left of me these days? why am i suffering so much. why do i have to be the one thinking on behalf of others trying to put myself in their shoes to feel them, why can't i get the same favor in return instead. was i asking for too much? or was i wrong to give up hope with people, to shut myself and go to war with no one else but me?

I felt the distance grew. I heard people talking. no, I'm still in denial . What was i to do? Heed? or leave? Trust a person? or to trust myself?.

Hi, my name is fee, my life is practically not how you pictured it would be, through these deceiving pictures, loaded goods, wealthy family… I am a sucker to this world. I am a slave to my heart. I am weak. To me now, my significant other is the most crucial person ever in my life. as much as we ought to be happily in love, i think a part of love has left us. While struggling my way to find it still, i thought to myself.. " when will this be over?… how far can i go for someone?…." , i don't know… i don't fucking know… I've pushed him too far out. I don't know how to draw him closer. Everyday i wake up and thought to myself, tomorrow will be a better day. Well at times yes, most of the times, not at all.

No, hugs. no kisses, no cuddles, no empty talks, no silly talks, no time together, no conversations, no appreciation, no sense of care….none. Asking for a hug was like asking for the world to him. Was it tt hard to do? or don't you have the heart to do it int he first place.. asking you to listen… but you sleep. was it tt heavy those eyelid of yours? or was it you not giving a damn at all. I don't have the fucking guilt to admit to myself on how much we've grown apart, but we did. all i can do is cry. Asking you to stay in on a weekend but u choose to go club, was it tt much to ask? or was it cause the girls at clubs enlightens you more? ask u not to go club, was it so hard to consider on and say u won't? or was the temptation to make new friends yearning you to get ur ass down to those places, well more so ever when i've already pushed you away tt far…

am i being paranoid here, or is it really true, what I'm feeling now… You're bored and tired of me, a part of you have grown out of love for me. You don't see me like how u use to do, you rather go on an adventure on a hunt for a replacement. You say you care and love me when i question you but in reality you felt a sense of pityness in me. and i know you still cling on to this cause you don't have the guts to tell me straight in the face tt you'd be better off with someone else…

2011-12-14T19:25:00.002+08:00

People should open up their eyes and realize what they have. Stop going around flirting with every other telling them " your cute". It might give you satisfaction for a moment to receive good comments back but you have no idea how much you're hurting whoever you're with. Don't make your significant other feel as if they were a second option. If you really in love, you would learn how to limit yourself to just one person. Especially when you know someone is not available, respect their relationship. Both the boyfriend and the girlfriend. Give her respect by not getting in the way. Don't flirt with him, lead him on or hope for him to leave her. Don't even talk to him if you can't resist the temptation. Give him respect by not being a home-wrecker. Don't tell her she's cute, don't cause jealousy between the two and stop being so selfish.

its their happiness your ruining...

2011-12-09T12:25:00.002+08:00

Its nice to know people love me. I like the feeling of acceptance. The warmth of a mother’s hug or the enjoyment and love of a guy’s kiss on my cheek. I love the smell of rain on blades of grass and the feeling of the fall air on my face is satisfactory. I love the interaction of two human life forms bonding together on a nice summer day. But what is it all for? Why are we here? What brought this life about? Why do we die, and why d we love? Love is portrayed in movies so we copy it. Is that really love? Is love the same for everyone? When a man falls for a women is she in love with the physical pleasures they share and vice versa? Can a whole relationship be lied like that? Just for the want and yearn for affection? Or could it even circle around the topic of money? Could someone love materials so much they depend on another to obtain such things? Or could it even be faked for the company? Maybe someone is so damn lonely that some bastard has to come along and fuck up someone else life just so they can have what they need. Excuse me, want they *want. Needs and wants are completely different. You NEED food and water to survive. You WANT money, significant others, and something to cry about. What do people secretly want from relationships? Why am I so paranoid that everyone lies? Is it because I lie to myself? Why would I even ask this question if i don’t lie to myself? Why am i talking to myself on textedit in the peachwave office? Why am i asking all these questions instead of taking this opportunity to create something magnificent? Because I think i have slowly been giving up. The term “giving up” quickly eats the wall of being concerned and unconcerned within people. It either doesn’t phase the reader because they couldn’t give a rats ass, or it swiftly makes them panic and shout “why would you take your own life?!” That is the last objective on my mind. I for one, do not have the guts to take one mans life or my own. And two i love everything about this planet. Just before i described my enjoyment of what the world gives. Although I dislike most of humanities ignorance they are still a human. I am just slowly realizing…why does anything of what we do matter? Just think…why do we do what we do on a daily basic? Who knows whats going to happen in the end? Nobody. So why are we so concerned with our wants and what we “need” daily if nobody can determine the future..What do they benefit? Of course every time i ask “why” to myself the reader is going to think “because people have been doing this for centuries” or “because its life” or they’re (you) are going to think back to a time that is relevant to my rhetorical question and answer for yourself, and then it’ll make sense. Well NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME. This is so out of order and context. You just read a tiny part of my brain. Have a nice day, bloggers

2011-12-09T00:58:00.004+08:00

You have to love me not for what i have to offer, but who i am,its not about blaming your significant other for not treating you the way you want them to. Its about how hard i try , and i still do to keep you around.

Trust is not something to be given away. It has to be earned. My mother told me this when I was a lot younger and had done something stupid that had resulted in me getting into trouble. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Not only does trust have to be earned, it has to be wanted. Why trust someone who doesn’t even care whether or not you trust them? Why give someone a second chance when it seems that they haven’t learned from their previous mistakes? I have a feeling that my past history is about to repeat itself, and all I can think of is what happened before, what lead to what happened before, and how life felt after it all happened. If, in fact, my history does repeat itself is it best to trust no one and go through life never letting people get close enough to know you?

It is something tricky indeed. Trusting too much and too easily leads to hurt. But even worse hurt is trusting someone who doesn’t trust you back. Do I have the right to be upset? Especially when they said it’s not because of anything but what I’ve but i've done absolutely just about everything to keep anything up? It’s not fair, though… If I’ve done nothing to lose your trust, why have I?

I loved you, i love you a lot. For how you are with me, for how you are towards me. Nevertheless, kind in a way, caring in a way. Your thoughts, your deep thoughts about me, about us, i appreciate that. but has it ever come across your mind that I'm doing just exactly as what you're doing now? The caring, the deep thoughts, the trust, the love and the care. I might not shower you love the same way you showered me with yours. but at the same time i have given you everything of me, even if i can't give you the best or most. putting absolutely nothing but you first. how much i put myself behind, my family behind all for the sake of this cliche little thing called love.

my time, my effort, every little things i do, i do it for you. skipping meals or gathering just so i can have mine with you. to wait till clock hits 10 on that black ugly screen at work just so i can quickly get my way out through those glass doors n out to the filthy little corner where i'll see you standing right at that very spot, waiting for me. To just have a minute or two with you talking bout nothing but our lives. oh god... look at us now,what have we become?...

i feel like I'm falling out, i don't feel any sense of belonging. the day i realize you didn't bother much bout me was the day i sobbed the whole night while you were sound asleep. thinking to myself, If i would've kept "this" , is it good for us, or will it worsen. As much as i wanted to, as much i would've love to care n shower my love for it, i guess certain things are best to let go. The very day that happens, i didn't get a single word from you, to even comfort me or anything, in anyway.... tell me what have we become?

am i thinking too much? or have you ...

2011-10-02T19:53:00.001+08:00

Stupid dumb dumb :D

2011-09-27T16:17:00.001+08:00

Pom!

2011-09-26T23:58:00.001+08:00

Baby's still sound asleep beside me... Yawn~

2011-09-26T23:55:00.001+08:00

Hi, few pictures to sum up my romans getaway with my love. Haha. I love this fella to bits, and I'm starting to love the wonderful family back in KL as well.

2011-09-19T10:49:00.003+08:00

If i die young bury me in satin lay me down on a bed of roses ,sink me in the river at dawn .send me away with the words of a love song...

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

And I'll be wearing white when i come into your kingdom im as green as the ring on my little cold finger, I've never known the lovin of a man but it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand there's a boy here in town says that he'll love me forever .Whoever thought forever could be severed by the sharp knife of a short life well I've had just enough time..

2011-09-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

how thoughtful of him... <3

2011-08-31T09:56:00.002+08:00

this is the bittersweet story of my life.

don't judge my relationship. It might not be as sweet as yours or as happening as yours but at least my boyfriend and i love each other in the most possible way ever. No, my relationship doesn't need to be a fairy tale to make it alright. that's bullshit. wake your idea up.

I dont need people telling me whats right and whats wrong and what kind of person

i should be with right now in my life. Not that im unaware of this circumstances, but i'm rather looking for situations on whats GOOD and what's NOT. You people can talk to me and advice me for all you want but i'm telling you one thing for sure. i'm not backing out on this. You're not happy cause of my decision? you deal with it. and no, you are absolutely wrong when you said the only people who is gonna be helping me at the end of the day is everyone that is in front of me. No, the only person who has been helping me is my bf and I, yes. I deal with my own life. Yes parents are still around but that doesn't mean they are always there for you. Doesnt mean im not always there for them or me not heeding their advice means i'm rude and all. I respect my elders the most. so you cant just judge the way i live in the most disgusting way ever.

and i hope the most you wont intervene with my life anymore and start talking to me bout my rs . seriously that is bloody annoying. Don't talk to me about all this fairy tale shit you are still dreaming about.

there is no such thing as a perfect soul. if i meet someone and think theyre perfect(like u claimed i should be finding), i'd run as fast as i can in the opposite direction. YES, i told u i wont back out

on this relationship. Im not dreaming like you. Cause my soulmate should be the one pushing my buttons, pissing me off on regular basis and he makes me face my own shit, and you know who does that? MY BOYFRIEND..

this is real talk here,im getting sick of this bullshit.

this is by far the worst hari raya.

2011-07-30T02:27:00.001+08:00

2011-07-30T02:14:00.000+08:00

2011-07-30T01:45:00.003+08:00

2011-07-25T01:53:00.002+08:00

yea u do this, when ure home for 2 days straight

As far as i'm concern. my life is pretty much fucked up.

I've come to a thought like finally that i only have one enlightenment right now.

Frankly, i'm much more concern with my relationship cause his all that i got.

i love my boyfriend super duper a lot.

i know i may hurt him at times, so does he.

at the end of the day i still care about every shit.

for him i don't mind making sacrifices in life..

to me its worth it, cause ill never find someone who would go

through hell n back ,just like what he always does..

he could be the most f up person you guys may think he is,

but i know his not. His true. his so fucking true.

We've planned so many stuffs together, and this is my words to him,

no matter how tough it is, i will not let it slip and we will make it happen ok?

so baby if you're reading this, i love you many many and i'm sorry

i won't let you down i promise<3

2011-07-18T19:10:00.003+08:00

My Last Say

People enter our lives. some stay , some go. And there are those you'd fight for to make them stay no matter how tough or hard it is gonna be for you. These people are the people that u are close with. your family, you partner.

When i was 5, i thought no one could hurt me. I thought i was beautiful. I thought i was friends to everyone that said hi to me. Everyone was nice. Clothes didn't matter. I'd go to sleep tear free.I never had to try and run away. I was always smiling. I didnt want to kill myself either. i didnt know what a roller coaster i was in for.

Life is hard.

In these past years i've grown, ive learnt a lot through mistakes and struggles. That after awhile, you don't need anyone else to survive. No one is ever going to be always there no matter what

they promise you. through my fake smiles and unseen tears, friends aren't always forever and love doesn't always last.

i begin to realized that i was holding on to something that didnt exist anymore. That the person i missed didnt exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we could wish all day long that they didn't, but the always will.

You said that you understand me. But you dont.

you. really .dont

2011-07-15T02:20:00.001+08:00

If god answers my prayers. He is increasing my faith. If he doesn't, he is just training my patience.

2011-07-14T12:19:00.001+08:00

One of these days the sky’s gonna break
And everything will escape, and I’ll know
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall
Into the sea, and they’ll know

That you and I were made for this
I was made to taste your kiss
We were made to never fall away
Never fall away

One of these days letters are gonna fall
From the sky telling us all to go free
But until that day I’ll find a way to let everybody know
That you’re coming back, you’re coming back for me

‘Cause even though you left me here
I have nothing left to fear
These are only walls that hold me here
Hold me here, hold me here

One day soon I’ll hold you like the sun holds the moon
And we will hear those planes overhead
And we won’t have to be scared
We won’t have to be, we won’t have to be scared

You’re coming back for me
You’re coming back for me

2011-07-14T11:47:00.002+08:00

Today i woke up tired of life. Shutting myself off from everyone. I ignore text, i let the phone ring. I deactivate Facebook. Its nothing personal, but people just need to realize that sometimes i just don't wanna talk. Cause i got hurt. Really hurt. and sometimes, when that happens, something inside me shuts off. I'm sorry

2011-07-13T14:55:00.001+08:00

I love him still . Against all odds

2011-07-06T02:07:00.001+08:00

Bismillah'hirahmannirahim. Allahumma Azhibil bas, Rabbannas, Ishfi wa anta Shafi, La Shifa illa Shafaok. Shifaal La Yoghadiro saqama. Amin.

"O Allah remove the hardship, O Lord of mankind, grant cure for You are the Healer. There is no cure but from You, a cure which leaves no illness behind."

Bismillah'hirahmanirahim. U`idhoo nafsee birabbil-ardhi wa rabbis-samaa' U`idhoo nafsee billadhee laa yadhurru ma`a-smihi daa' U`idhoo nafsee billadhee-smuhu barakatun washifaa' Amin

I seek protection for my soul and my partner in the Lord of the earth and the Lord of the heavens I seek protection for my soul and my partner in the One in whose name no sickness can hurt I seek protection for my soul and my partner in the One whose name is Blessed and a Cure. Amin

2011-07-06T01:50:00.001+08:00

I hope it gets to you that I cared a lot about you. I feel just as fucked up about everything else. Bout inconsiderate ppl around you. How could they be so fucking heartless?! It saddens me to actually see you this way. It saddens me a lot. I might not show it. I always teared thinking bout what ur going through. I want u feeling better. Not like this all the time. Not like ur carrying the whole world on your shoulders .... Everyday I pray for the best of your future and all luck to come, that one day these burdens will go away and nvr come again. Amin Ya Rabbal ‘Alamin

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2011-07-03T23:52:00.003+08:00

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But i was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separated beings hinge together.

I love the way he knows me. I love his facial expressions. I love they way he says my name. I love the way he wants to tell me everything. I love his smile. I love the fact that we have the same sense of humor. I love that we are on the same wavelength. I love the friendly flirting. I love our conversations. I love that he cares, even if its not the kind of care i want. I love how he smells and how it lingers on my clothes. I love his hugs and how warm n safe it is. I love the way his eyes lights up when he smiles. I love how his such a geek at times. I love that his concerned about me. I love that he makes me do the cliche sigh. I love how he makes me burst into fits of laughter everything he says, cause he really is that funny to me. I love how he trust me. I love how we're best friends. I love that i can trust him. I love that his close by. I love that i was able to know him... most of all, i love him truly n deeply with all my heart.

2011-04-02T15:08:00.000+08:00

apparently, i dont understand why.. so what?

hmm... :/ i hate this feeling

2011-03-27T21:34:00.002+08:00

Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps, that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back...They don't go by any rules. they're not like aches or wounds. they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material...

too much of all this is really upsetting..

No, i'm not an unhappy person. I'm just tired of the same old routine and people.

and the bullshits they bring.

dear god give me strength to go through this again...

in fact, through any other obstacles coming as well..

2011-03-27T21:24:00.001+08:00

Its all about drama, and love, and relationships. And when the going gets tough, you deal with it, and you don't ever, you never walk away from it..

Its all about drama, and trust, and making it. If your somebody, mess up, you take it in. Don't let no body come between you, you just stay with it...

You hold on, and be strong

2011-03-26T12:02:00.003+08:00

Love is like a temporary madness,it erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just " being in love " which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this both an art and a fortunate accident. Our parents had it, they had the roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all pretty blossom had fallen from their branches, they found themselves as one tree and not two. Now this is what i call love.

sigh, i miss my bf already♥

2011-01-19T13:02:00.001+08:00

I love you? that word is damn cliche. Though, it may mean a lot when someone says it. but hey, it won't mean a thing especially if shit happens. So much for believing in yourself, telling yourself, you love that someone so much. how could you? How could you be so blunt? so narrow minded?

You may feel shit now, for all i care is that, you deserve it. And you know i don't deserve to be treated that way.

Don't promise me anything.
If you want to do shit, do it behind my back. not when im around. Don't make me find out either. If i do.. its not going to be nice at all. But yea.. fuck it already, i guess faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.

2011-01-08T14:46:00.004+08:00

Hello readers. i just made a new tumblr account. hmm, can't retrieve my old one.. no idea why i did that but yea. If you can't find me here. Im most probably busy with my tumblr...

i'd most probably rant stuffs here. you know, bout anything disturbing. any daily updates will be at tumblr...

http://sensation-within.tumblr.com/

2011-01-03T13:55:00.002+08:00

The worst part about falling in love is wondering if you'll ever open up that far again.

2010-12-31T13:53:00.001+08:00

I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second. But oh wells, nothing i say will make a difference,thoughts are just thoughts after all.

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Have a great new years eve everyone, and a happy new year :)

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2010-12-30T11:34:00.001+08:00

Why do I dream of you. "the guy who lost it, is still willing to walk a thousand miles for you"

Weird dreams....
Weird conversations in it...
Weird timings....
So surreal o.o

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2010-12-29T00:52:00.001+08:00

Studies comes first

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2010-12-26T02:13:00.001+08:00

What can the love in my soul be compared to another wonderful soul which is so far and yet so close of my self? What can this symbiosis between two souls can be? What can love be when you feel you cannot sleep at night, that every drop of dew becomes a crystal in your heart, when every breeze of wind has magical meanings? What can love be when you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with the soul you love? But what can love be in other transcendental realities? What about our souls? Are our souls a waterfall, a true Niagara or a smile, a flirt of an angel? Are our souls a mere mood of a fairy or a lightening in a summer rain? Our souls could be all of this and much more. But what really happens in that transcendental reality when we feel we are truly in love, that we love so much that it hurts? That the air in the room is unbreathable, that the sentimental, spiritual or physical distances kill us? What happens when dawn find us sadder than ever, looking for an excuse or an argument for the person we love so much, our Great Love? What are all thses? What are the looks lost in the desert horizons of unfulfilment or those in the eyes that deeply loose each other in the others inside the souls?

2010-12-25T07:37:00.001+08:00

Tonight when you look up at the stars, try and count them all. I miss you that much. When you go to the beach, try to count every grain of sand. I trust you that much. When you go in the water, try and count each drop of water in the ocean. I need you that much. When your heart beats, try and count each and every beat for a day. I love you that much.

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2010-12-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

I want to run away with you. Have baths and showers with you. Kiss underneath the sun, the stars, the moon, the rain. I’ll be your shelter throughout the storm. I’ll hold you tight and never let anything harm you. I want this, these moments like this, to last forever or even just for a second. As long as we share it together. Your kiss, your touch, your face, your hands, your body, your everything just makes me weak. When you touch my skin, my face, or even look into my eyes I melt. Your voice is soothing . Your words are moving like a boat sailing along the water. I want these moments to last forever or even for a moment because this, this is all we have for now. Thoughts like this until we meet each other again. Until I can cuddle you in my bathtub and have soundless sleeps with you in my arms and you singing in my ear and it’s moments and thoughts like these that let me know, I love you♥

2010-12-14T16:28:00.001+08:00

Love love love love^^

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2010-12-14T09:29:00.001+08:00

There's always a downfall for something good...
It all takes time~

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2010-12-13T23:21:00.001+08:00

It's 70% done -__- suggestion anyone??

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2010-12-13T03:29:00.001+08:00

You turned me off, you said u woo me? And so? Doesn't mean acknowledging that means I have to be with you right? Be more sensible please. I lazy wanna retaliate.

And to the one, I appreciate u at the very most. But I know what's best for us. Good things fall apart so better stuffs will happen. U have all my blessings. I wish u well for yourself n family.

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2010-11-28T03:03:00.001+08:00

Shit, I hope it's not happening. 1st of next month please come fast

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2010-11-28T01:17:00.001+08:00

Don't put words into my mouth. I hate that. A lot

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2010-11-27T19:27:00.001+08:00

Don't make me fucking hate you

2010-11-26T02:45:00.003+08:00

Hi dear, most of the times when i wished to have a meal with you, you ain't free for me at all. Those were the times i wished to pour out to you whatever Ive been keeping to myself. Suppose to be a one time thoughts of the day. But due to your busy schedule, I've collected months of thoughts that i was supposed to tell them to you. If i were to meet you again, I'm really unsure of which to start off with. So i kept it to myself again. Another month of thoughts. Well, while i'm free and you're not, i just wish to have your accompany , even for a day. now that I'm gone, i wish you do know bout my existence in your life, well, before. Upon all rejections you've given me, in the status of being my boyfriend, i'm utterly disappointed. i felt so cold, so lonely, so unsolved, so.. unwanted. Telling myself, its okay, you're busy, to stop myself from thinking too much.. Whats important to you, is not me. Ive discovered some secrets about you, yet i kept it to myself. The moment when your free to read my blog, i could've left and no longer be by your side. I feel that I'm a pest to you having to text you for a meet up, always initiating. After being rejected by you as a boyfriend all the time, i gave up in asking for your opinions. Ive decided to leave here, leave you to somewhere i belong and you don't. So when i'm gone, just carry on.

2010-11-21T12:54:00.001+08:00

I need to enroll license like now. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

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2010-11-19T04:19:00.001+08:00

For every minute I think of giving up, I'll think of how come I've held on for so long.

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2010-11-16T02:23:00.002+08:00

what would you do, if there was actually someone, who can really make you forget bout something so dear to you?something u have always find it hard to say goodbye to, but now, its all so easy..

2010-11-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

theres one thing you should know bout me.

anything you do to me, i will multiply it and give it straight to ur face.

i might not give a bloody damn bout whats going on already

cause i know its not worth it at the end of the day.

you know how strong my damn character can be.

i can really play pretend, even right infront of your

freaking face.

but theres just one thing i hate most.

dont you ever dare, lie right straight through my very eyes.

trust me, im a bloody smart girl.

time to multiply your nonsense by 2 :)

2010-11-15T03:33:00.001+08:00

Burn ssu of Mdis . I feel very sad. Never in my life was I that enthu to study. Fuck my life.
I will burn ssu and Myint Myint thein.

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2010-11-10T17:29:00.000+08:00

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - currently, no one i suppose. HAHA

2010-11-09T14:28:00.003+08:00

" And now we lookin' like pimps in my gold Trans-Am.Got a water bottle full of whiskey in my handbag.Got my drunk text on, i'll regret it in the mornin' but tonight I don't give a... "

pouring nights, cold mornings. I stay up late everynight, and realize its a bad idea every morning, but yea.. i still do it the very next day. lol.My throat is itching still, recovering though, but still it itches like hell. yknow, i got the urge to scratch the inner part of my throat, well, only god knows how im gonna achive that .. HAHA

"take two fucking seconds of ur everyday fucking life, look at the fucking mirror and fucking reflect then you can come and enlighten me" - fee

guess i made the best damn speech when im angry?i wasnt being mean, i was speaking the truth. Whats the point of saying so much when nothings done. lol, totally beats the purpose of everything.Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me, when you come running back... i'll be here. lalalala

enough.

No, i'm not okay. I'm exhausted. life is exhausting. Loving people is exhausting and thinking you've lost someone you love? Well, thats the most exhausting thing of all but oh wells, as ironic as it seems, i'm immuned, numb. Never bear more than one trouble at a time. Yknow, some people bear three kinds:

-all they have had

-all they have now

-and all they expect to have

you people must learn how to maintain ahh at times.. lol

So, ikea wasnt ikea after all. every damn thing i saw on the net, wasnt there.

what happen man? its okay, i had a nice day with someone afterall,

so everything else doesnt matter. LOL

i will find something later... hopefully... be it clothes or what have you.

say, i wonder what time art friend closes..might be in time to get my crafts?

or not.

Alright,

Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment. Woooohooo!

GOD, ENLIGHTEN ME PLEASEEEEEE, IM DYING OF BOREDOM.

-____________________________________-

2010-11-09T01:36:00.001+08:00

What if... Nah, It can't be.... Hmmm

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2010-11-08T17:07:00.002+08:00

HI RONALD macdoss

Monday monday monday, fingers on the keyboard, music to my ears and into my head. "I can fix all those lies, Oh baby, baby I run, but I'm running to you" ~

what if.. hmm.. nevermind. HAHAH

on a random note, the Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect. lol.. just saying..

IKEA IKEA HERE I COME!!!

2010-11-08T16:34:00.002+08:00

You spend too much time loving things, instead of people. Sometimes people do things that hurt and it's not because they mean to. They just do. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me, but i end up hurt because of it.Yes, i know.

To think back, i dont understand whats happening though. I mean yea, reputation is what other people know about me,but honor is what i know about myself. you dont see stuffs like how i do. you wont understand me, neither would i understand you... oh wells, besides the harping on stuffs, and endless argument. EVEN when we are not together. We're alright now, you tc when in ns.

2010-11-07T03:55:00.001+08:00

2010-11-06T19:36:00.004+08:00

chester from linkin park was in my class, he was acting rather weird though... lol

So I've decided to bring down that blue clock.

i'm gonna hunt for some nice bed sheets.

get bigger shoe rack for my footwear.

a side table for all my liquors.

planning to re-deco the wall,

have to get some wooden letterings

heee heee

2010-11-06T19:24:00.003+08:00

It's the elephant in the room and we pretend that we don't see it.
It's the avalanche that looms above our heads and we don't believe it.

Tryin' to be perfect, tryin' not to let you down.
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now
while the floors underneath our feet are crumbling, the walls we built together tumblin

I still stand here holdin' up the roof cause it's easier than telling the truth.

I still keep your photographs,i remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losin' sleep, if you're okay with being torn in half.

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning and let the rain come in.
Stop pretending that it's not ending and let the end begin....

2010-11-02T17:46:00.003+08:00

no man is worth your tears, and when you find the man who is, he'll never make you cry.

Meeting bbg sel tomorrow, gonna get my crafts and continue doing my room deco. Guess its stay home tuesday for me? so much for the "thought of baking". sigh sigh. i was thinking of booking tickets for zouk out soon. I don't wanna miss it. the line ups are awesome , afrojack? guetta? tiesto? and more?! zz but yea, still have to wait for my mates to confirm with me. besides that, i wanna catch that lion king show at marina bay LOL. i know.... damn random. but yea... seems nice though.. oh wells... will see how.

so, should i go gym with edmund? okay maybe nope.. bit tired. plus i should rest since im going out tomorrow.zz kk enough. update soon. busy emo-ing now.

2010-11-02T13:59:00.001+08:00

Somebody kill me. I go
Jump down ready. I cannot do this. Fuck my life

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2010-11-01T17:34:00.005+08:00

(my brother, your face, needs to be slap by a dick. HAHA)

When i think about it, i question myself, "what the fuck are you doing fee"

i mean seriously. whatever it is. I have no rights to judge anyone.

though its not up to my heart's desire, sometimes, certain things

just cant be help, if its meant to be, its meant to be.

easy said. i dont like to act on impulse. and no one, neither

do i, have the right to alter anyone's emotions.

God, ive been coughing badly for weeks.Lost my voice, i practically sound like freaking frog.

The result of drinking too much i suppose? alright alright, will try to cut down..

been spending time with my brobros/cousin/bbg selina/and bunch of friends lately..

so yea, got my hair back to black, alright not literally black though but yeap.

im somehow satisfied with the colour now LOL.

okay ive got nth much to say actually.

selina, stay strong, i told you, guys, they are dumb, you gotta tell them straight to their face.

you gotta talk to them in simple words.you gotta talk to them like they are 5 year old kid.

as a girl, be firm, and stay strong. IM YOUR SUPPORTING PILLAR! LOL

2010-10-27T06:15:00.001+08:00

Punch in/ Hi View your photos here/ hi get your photos taken/ good morning sir/ good morning mdm/ collect your photos right down the hall there/ thank you/punch out

Do this everyday , and I swear my face will really turn out to be like tt in the pic lol

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2010-10-19T02:09:00.001+08:00

"because he doesn't , i gave up and let my hopes go, for all I know, I've loved, and I've tried. Take care "

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2010-10-11T03:04:00.001+08:00

467 days and counting..

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2010-10-07T21:14:00.001+08:00

IPhone 4 I'm getting you soon

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2010-10-03T16:26:00.001+08:00

Y: my voice change ready
Z: yea can listen..
Y: I need honey drink
* looks at Y*
Z: what are you implying, to make you one?
Y: yes, *act blur*

Never change..... Lol

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2010-10-01T12:08:00.001+08:00

Gue kagen banget sama lorh, tau ngak? Mana sih kamu pergi...

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2010-09-30T12:18:00.001+08:00

Cutting down from clubs, cocktails and dinner at timbre, awesome. And surprisingly, erdinger was the only beer I think is nice. Weird.

Get well soon my dear friend, you too fee Rahman

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2010-09-24T16:05:00.001+08:00

One thing you ppl don't know bout me is....

I love mooncake damn lots!!!!!!

Ohwells, now you know....

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2010-09-16T04:35:00.001+08:00

I miss someone

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2010-09-14T02:07:00.001+08:00

enlighten me with aldo bleecker
i want them badly.
boooooooo

i look good in them, tak bedek HAHHAA

2010-09-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

If there is a job vacant for a position in sugar crushing. I would apply. Imagine crushing sugar whole day without no one disturbing, song Bo?

Well at least I think it is lol

2010-09-11T14:54:00.001+08:00

Phuture/zouk/powerhouse

Never ever drink with djs again.
And zouk should close down unless Juffrie is the dj. HAHAHA

2010-09-09T18:13:00.002+08:00

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
haha, woman? too clever nowadays..

today? a chill out day with mates again.
will update pictures from today soon (:

alright, i think i don't deserve all this raya happs,
but oh wells, selamat hari raya to all muslims friends :)

2010-09-09T14:48:00.001+08:00

I'm on a pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't gonna be gold

2010-09-08T13:40:00.001+08:00

Wednesday blues
Nic chagall
Uniqlo
Topshop
Longchamp

And a whole lot of stuffs in my bag... Ahh bored

2010-09-06T02:16:00.001+08:00

Start a fresh? Naise.

2010-09-04T14:18:00.001+08:00

YouTube Video

Fail to snap a picture. Awesome. Lol.

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2010-09-03T13:16:00.001+08:00

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.

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2010-09-01T15:18:00.001+08:00

Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change in attitude.

Hmm, alright, nadiah baby visiting Singapore for hari raya, she will arrive on Sunday morning. Yay, guess I'll meet her after school or something, girl, you better meet me every single day before you go back to Aussie or migrate to wherever again n start going missing for years. Zzz lol

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2010-09-01T13:23:00.001+08:00

Time to study not to start sketching nonsense lol

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2010-08-31T11:48:00.001+08:00

Thanks Huiyu for the pic lol! My hair shoo naiseeeee

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2010-08-29T21:00:00.001+08:00

A need to slim down, :( kaki big ah, ccb

2010-08-29T20:43:00.001+08:00

If you ask me why? After everything that has happen?then let me tell you this,yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose. it's a battlefield after all..

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2010-08-29T03:32:00.001+08:00

it's weird how love does wonders

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2010-08-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

Falling out of love is hard, falling for betrayal is worst..
Broken trust and broken hearts, I know... I know
Thinking all you need is there... building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear... I know
And know when all is gone there is nothing to say..
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them..
Tell them all I know now, shout it from the roof top.. write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now..
Tell them I was happy and my heart is broken
All my scars are open ,tell them what I hoped would be..
Impossible

2010-08-03T00:07:00.003+08:00

This body calls for a regular jog. I don't know which am i stress about, my body, my hair or my skin. HAHA, but skin's getting better now since i'm back to using proactive. Just give me a month, everything will change. Anyways, the thought of shopping always pops up in my mind, but i couldn't bother less cause i've got to start fasting soon, that means, its raya soon, which means, i have to focus more on what i'm gonna wear for Hari Raya and stuffs like that.

Shopping? i guess tt would be after raya or something. Hmm, besides, i dont even have the time to even if i insist on shopping. Hello, my exams for 4 modules is in two weeks? sian. And i'm gonna do something to my hair this month. Yes, if you readers have seen me, my hair is curly wurly now :( bunch of mates said its nice and all. but i still prefer my long NATURALLY straight hair :( hahahah, oh wells, will do something to it. colour, cut and, i don't know? i guess i'll stick to deep conditioning for now LOL. and ooh! ordering make ups soon, friday i guess? or tomorrow? LOL! yay!

okay, study session soon! Ann baby if you wanna join us text me!

(y)

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts..

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry but that's alright because I love the way you lie..
I love the way you lie..

2010-07-26T22:59:00.003+08:00

Balek balek aku.
aku tk buat pape pon aku.
aku sumpah demi allah pon aku salah jugak.

beh nak ckp, aku yg tak betol?
aku tak tipu kau, kau nak ckp aku tipu?
kau bilang aku, kau nak ape dari aku ah?
penat tau layan kau punya merepek.

ye la, SLALU KAU JE BETOL.
sudah. aku seriously da tak boleh tahan.
fml la.

YA YA YA, OKAY. puas hati?

2010-07-23T01:57:00.003+08:00

Life's not been treating me great lately,
I'm too busy with stuffs.
School's always a bitch.

Even now im studying..
for saturday's sup paper that is.
even after that i have to study for
my other 4 modules, exams coming.

ah, whatever, get it done and over it.
thats all i can say.

ohwells, time for me to consider on
proactive again, my skin is beng a bitch
to me again.

oh ya,and happy birthday sis

2010-07-12T02:58:00.002+08:00

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long you see...
I am tired, yea you are too physically, but im mentally tired.
Ah, nvm, you know what?after all is said and done,
a lot more will be said than done.
feel me for once, i have a heart
after all.

2010-07-11T16:12:00.002+08:00

Hi, mum and i, welcome to my crib..

Hmm, welcome to the hall way,

eh no, welcome to our living room.

uhm, ya which ever. HAHAHA

okay me in full hello kitty outfit

with a sunflower in my hand is

freaking disturbing.. o.O

2010-07-10T19:03:00.007+08:00

check out my eyes. HAHA
Check this out HAHA

Hi, im at simpang bedok with mummy

HARLOW, my leg has currently grew over the years

Okay, hi its me and shazlyn halil

okay hi its me and Ydee

Okay super old picture.

Hi its me and shazlyn halil again, featuring gucci lanyard.HAHA

okay hi, its me swinging my hair, there way too much story behind this picture,

taken at aishah's crib (y) HAHHAA

When i was in ite for 6 months, i dyed my hair black 3 times,still beats

the purpose.. ohwells... HI

Hi, this was for TnG project. Ydee and me

Hi, chilling at the park behind tamp stadium.

oh hi again, outside concorde hotel waiting for cab, super old pic

Hi, i wear beanie to school hehe. Thats ydee at the back anyways.

alright, face must maintain.

Hi me and Wenya in drawing studio

okay this is how i dress to tampines mall and all (y)

Honesty is the best Image

Oh hello there,

i've been busy with life..

there's so much to do is such a liltle time.

and oh ya, i NEED to start studying by monday.

Alot happen lately,

some came back haunting,

some? are just damn annoying.

or lame that is. whatever it was..

i rather not retaliate with such nonsense.

A lie can travel half way around the world,

while the truth is putting on its shoe..

what to do? humans... some are just born that way..

seeking happiness through one's misery huh? ya ya ya..

Don't let your sorrows go any higher than your knees..

not good... not good at all...

OH, i don't understand why you're hiding the truth..

if you tell the truth , you dont have to remember anything.. ya know?

ah nevermind.. wont retaliate with this.. till the day comes..

when i have to face such nonsense again.. then yea.. thatsssssss it.

and you pea sized brain ppl better not start assuming shits like "OH SHE'S TALKING BOUT HIM.." you know nothing. stop acting like you do. well unless i told you.

oh wells..

thank you.

2010-07-05T15:42:00.002+08:00

i trusted you alot.
why did you go on burning my trust for you again and again?
do you have any idea how much i've done for you?
how much shit i had to suck up and just move on?
have you any idea how strong i tried to be?

have i ever ask you for too much?

2010-07-04T19:37:00.002+08:00

i can imagine the worst already.
oh wells, seriously,
tell me something new?

word.

2010-06-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

you ask me why?

you know yourself better.

leave me then fuck alone.

2010-06-06T16:17:00.000+08:00

Don't act on impulse.

think bout it.

now, look at what you're doing

oh wells, i cant do much.

i will never reconsider on one's

feeling when he himself is selfish

enough to not do so for mine.

ahh like what i've said before.

i never lie because i fear no one.

you only lie when your afraid

blah blah blah.

so you start the ball rolling?

alright, i'll play along..

okay now to my priv blog to vent my anger.zz

2010-05-28T02:58:00.004+08:00

okay, I've been really busy with my own life.

i got assignments to do.

stuffs to deal with.

problems to solve

and blah blah blah

wont be updating much.

take care people.

2010-05-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

I never told you - colbie caillat